Who Put the Cap on the Shag?

It’s been a pretty long time folks! I hope you wondered where I went shagging and missed me. (Wishful thinking.)

Well.. A fortnight back, I received an email which turned out to be a nice, pleasant surprise!

 

To shortly summarize, it was like this-

 

“Hi Mind Shag!

Would you like to guest-write for our website?

Regards,

****

Editor”

 

Woaaah! So this was from the editor of a brilliant online magazine, the name of which will be revealed later.

So I started preparing for the big one. Like becoming a celibate to conserve all mental/sexual juices, before the big night, so that I don’t huff and puff when it comes to performing at the big scene! hahaha

At  the moment, in dialogue with the editor, who is really a very busy fella!

Will come out with more shags in time! Till then, keep thinking and observing!

 

P.S. If you think you can shag, then contact me!

P.P.S. This is for you “RAMA <-“

We Need to make Awesome C-Grade Movies

“A B movie is a low-budget commercial motion picture that is not definitively an arthouse or pornographic film.” – Wikipedia

A C-grade movie is just below it.

So while the Neha Dhupia starrer “Sheesha” (Mirror), Diana Hayden’s “Ab Bas” (Now Enough) or Rani Mukherjee’s “Mehendi” (Henna) were B-grade, countless movies with unknown actors, actresses, basically the whole crew, with titles like, “Pati Fauj Mein, Biwi Mauj Mein” (Husband’s in the Army, Wife’s in a Revel), “Adhuri Hawas” (Unfulfilled Lust) and many, many more are C-Grade, near pornographic movies.

Made with a paltry budget of about 2 to 5 lakh rupees ($4-10 thousand), which is nothing when compared to the mainstream Bollywood movies. (Vishal Bhardwaj’s Matru ki Bijli ka Mandola had a budget of Rs. 33 crore ($6.6 million))

In a typical C-grade movie, it is basically all about sex – with a pathetic story revolving around even more pathetic sex scenes – and the latter is worrisome.

There will be around 3 sex scenes, where the actor will invariably swim around the knees of the actress, as if they were the most erogenous parts of the female anatomy, while the actress would act as if she’s having the moment of her lifetime! Then he would unbutton the blouse, and force his mouth all around the face, belly and legs of the actress, with light music, many times of old Bollywood movies, playing in the background.

The actress is shown hardly to enjoy or to have even said yes to the act in the first place – it comes across as if the actor is forcing his way around the woman, while she closing her eyes, “aah”-ing in a husky voice, be more cautious of revealing any sacred part (breasts/pubis), than actually acting/enjoying. (Though some movies may feature topless women, they are scanty in number and aren’t better than the rest.)

Also, it is not that these movies are MMS clips, or any coerced filmography – these have willing actresses who choose to earn some money out of films – though the probability of some being in the call-girl business is high.

All of this majorly resembles to what happens in most bedrooms of India – women deprived of foreplay, men forcing their way in, women having their lips sealed, men forcing their way in, men climaxing in about 5 minutes, God knows about women. As it happens in the movies, the actors are shown to have this weird expression – as if they have lost something precious or that India lost a cricket match – denoting that they have achieved orgasm.)

Vatsyayana must feel distraught – the great avant-gardé who gave Kamasutra to the people of India (and to the world, more so now), and now his very own people turning to be the shabbiest performers ever.

I mean if sex were a ritual, an offering to a god (Kaam dev), then Indians would certainly be banished for such act.

And these movies are watched by millions! Goto Youtube, and you will find almost every C-grade movie having at least over am million hits. Million!

These movies are watched by everyone, and in every place – IIT hostels, small towns, Tier 2 cities, villages – the India of the future.

 

Hence the problem – bad sex, large viewership!

 

I mean if the movies show actors putting on a condom, with the actresses insisting on it, and with corny slogans, “He wears a condom, he’s my superman!”, things would change!

If the frictional sex scenes are transformed into passionate lovemaking ones, where mutual love, respect and understanding of the sexual needs and behaviour of both sexes, then amazingly, these movies will turn out to be the best medium for sex education!

Sex education, bliss in the bedroom, end of sexual frustrated WOMEN and men, love, harmony!

How about having a movie, “Pehli Raat!” (First Night), which is a layman and woman’s guide to sex for first timers! Or maybe a movie, made on the Kamasutra itself!

Man! Awesome!

 

But at the moment, countless men, conditioned by the late night sessions of bad sex movies, turn out to have bad, forced sex, and all of which also leads to ill treatment of women – to her needs and desires.

Maybe if all of this changes, perhaps few incidents of rape, marital rape and molestation may even lessen in number.

Imagine…!

 

P.S. The reason why people still watch these movies, when the accessibility to proper porn is amazing (thank you internet!), is may be that there are hardly any porn featuring Indians which they can relate to – Sunny Leone comes off as a westerner, high class girl. The C-grade movies feature next door guys and girls from B-towns, with average body features – something many identify themselves with.

Also, majority of these movies are made in South India – which if held as a kind of litmus, then holds true for the maturity and openness of society.

Descartes forced to Re-Think!

 

{Rant Alert!}

René Descartes was truly a phenomenal philosopher, who set the tone of human thinking after him.

Cogito ergo sum. “I think therefore I am.”

 

Yet, only his “lone” saying survives, in convoluted and twisted forms:

1. I write therefore I am.

2. I speak therefore I am.

3. I blog therefore I am.

4. I shoot therefore I am.

5. I sleep therefore I am.

6. I write therefore I am.

7. I read therefore I am.

8. I do shit therefore I am.

9. I AM WHAT I AM.

 

Every other blog has its blogger write one of the above. Nonsensical. HAd he been alive, seeing his deeply philosophical thought been devalued to such, he would have rethought the whole think! The message he wanted to deliver, has been lost.

On how Luke prevents me from having an extra affair and has made us all Selfish

“Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

                                                                                                                                 – Luke,  Chapter 6: Verse 31

I guess Luke must have been the earliest known Game theorist for he shows the perfect understanding of how humans behave or should behave. Surely, John Nash would have smiled.

“Do unto others….” – the golden rule in ethics and moral behaviour, which has guided countless many individuals and even leaders like Gandhi – if you want to have peace from others, be peaceful in the first place.

I don’t want to talk about the philosophy and emotions and ethics et cetera of an extra-marital relationship, or cheating on one’s partner. On that we may talk about later. (The one principle that seems to get broken in the case will be the breach of trust and faith reposed-on by one’s partner.)

Okay so.. Coming to Luke.

Every time I think about an affair, or about that attractive, young woman who made some advances, I recall Luke and his gospel.

“Do Unto Others…”

So, I end up not having an extra affair, because if I ever get to know that my partner has one, then I will surely feel bad. And thus, in order to prevent that to happen, I do not take the leap forward.

Thus, in order to not feel bad myself, I prevent anything to happen, rather than questioning myself on the ethics of the act itself – which then might lead me to the existential nature and absurdity of life itself, thereby to the conclusion that having another affair may not be such a big deal. May be even the metaphysical doubt raised in “The Matrix” would help further – “What I see or feel, doesn’t really exist!”

Hence my argument, that Luke makes us into “self-interested” individuals, which is the fundamental premise in game theory – and not as people of virtue, or the capacity of defining what principles, morals and everything else are.

Luke gives a practical principle, which reduces all of us to selfish, manipulating beasts, who act and behave towards others just so that the rest reciprocate in the same manner and kind.

Pure, simple transactional view of human nature and co-existence.

May be it’s time for all of us to move forward and start discussing and debating about the ethical and moral dilemmas which we face every now and then, until Luke comes up and gives the easy way out.

“Question, Ask about the various dimensions of everything, for that shall make you rise upward!”

                                                                                                                                                                     -Gospel of The Mind Shag

Thank you Fringe!

Finally done with the series finale of one of the most brilliant productions ever, “Fringe”. A five year-old journey finally comes to rest.. Sad. One of the most amazing series which absolutely changes the perception you have of reality, metaphysics and makes you think beyond the possible limits of present human consciousness.

Every character sketched and translated on screen with absolute perfection. Perhaps, Dr. Walter Bishop may well be the finest genius, fictional or if real in an alternate universe.

Sadly, this is it.

Even sadder is the fact that as a US daily quoted, “Best TV series no one’s watching.”

Ahh yes! When we have “How I Met Your Mother?”, then how can the audience do anything else but help others chronicle, “How Masses Got Themselves Dumber!”.

Thank you Walter, Peter, Olivia, Astrid, Boyle, September, Willam Bell and all others behind the show. (Bad Robot Productions, J. J. Abrams, and of course, PirateBay and EZTV for the timely torrents.)

We need more like this! Cheers!

“Her ‘No’ means ‘Yes’!” – End this Nonsense

“Uske Na mei hi Haan hai!”

It’s your first date. Or maybe second or third. Oh! And you are 16 or 17 or maybe even more/less than that.. At the time of saying goodbye (not forever), in late evening, you pump up courage, move a step forward and hug her. You then gather some more courage and bravado, look into her eyes and try to smash your mouth against her lips.

Bam!

The doors don’t open. You wonder why she resists! At that very moment, you have your tiny eureka moment, when the following lights up in your mind-

“Uski na mei hi haan hai!” “Her ‘no’ means a ‘Yes’!!”

This time you suck up all your vigour and strength and all that into your oral region and those whatever number of muscles that make you smile, and crash into the gates of lips of the damsel. (Which reminds me of how the medieval armies used wooden logs to barge into the enemy fortresses!)

You are doubly happy.

1. She isn’t a slut. She is gracious, doesn’t make the first move forward.

2. You had your saliva moment.

 

Bookstores are flooded with books like these:

Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl

Why Men Marry Bitches: A Woman’s Guide to Winning Her Man’s Heart

Make Every Man Want You: How to Be So Irresistible You’ll Barely Keep from Dating Yourself!

How to Make Someone Fall in Love With You in 90 Minutes or Less

The Power of the Pussy: Get What You Want From Men: Love, Respect, Commitment and More!

 

Like some of the books above and movies like, “He’s Just Not That Into You”, a different, surreal and illusory conditioning of the masses is being and has been done.

Hindi movies have actresses saying “no”, repeatedly, to the “hero’s” advances, which ultimately lead to a song with two flowers shown to “kiss” at the end.

I am not against blushing or shying or “turning-cheeks-red” – it is highly natural for both sexes to exhibit such response. I personally would not help but to “blush” when a person of the opposite sex comes up to me and flirts or makes few moves.

But I am certainly against the false conditioning of people, making us believe the false notions regarding sexuality, psychology and that inexplicable thing called “Love”.

I am against the training of WOMEN into manipulating idiots.

Okay! So, you deliberately try becoming irresistible or a prize-worthy catch which men should struggle for, and then the vicious cycle starts to turn.

After some point in time, we understand your ploy, read the books you do or even understand your witchcraft, and start taking you for granted.

So the next time a husband forces himself onto his wife and she resists, he still manages to grate his tool through the cave, turns over and sleeps, while the woman starts relating this to the phrase, “marital rape” she heard from an activist on TV who although didn’t have a beard, but had no female characteristics or the idea of beauty either.

True. Everyone loves chivalry. But to an extent. Next time you say “No”, make it earn some respect. A no means a no. And a yes, should mean it! If you want a kiss, just say it.

The title of the last book mentioned above, “The Power of the Pussy..” and with chapters like, “Act like a prize and you’ll turn him into a believer”; now who’s using herself as an object, as a means to an end?

My sincere advice to all the frustrated feminist female-mullas would be that they should start from clearing their own houses first. Start from the female population, start from all the readers and writers of above books and like.

Instead of turning bald, naked and using a plastic tool instead of an all-natural one, maybe changing the attitude of one’s own self and lookalikes would far increase the efficacy than merely becoming a rhetorical humbug.

 

P.S. Being more accessible, open and less of that “deep ocean” or “dark cave” clichés would certainly help all men. Give us a chance to explore your psyche and sexuality. Trust us. Men are fast learners! (Don’t cry sexism again!)

World’s Most Dangerous (Effective) Weapon

Well, I had mentioned about it in the earlier post. (Chutiya – A Strange, Absurd Swear-Word)

The world’s most dangerous and effective weapon – breasts/boobs!

They can do wonders! Send a shiver down through the whole body, make the heart thump at rocket speed, turn the body heated up – the ultimate tool for hypnosis.

I mean, why didn’t either the United States or the USSR employ them? All they had to do, was to send in some into the White House or the Kremlin! Game over!

As it turns out, a woman has been charged of murder, using the same weapon! She smothered her boyfriend using her breasts.

Wonder how gaspingly big are they!

Read the news story here.

 

(If you’re a feminist, then you must have jumped from your seat by now. As it happens, almost all feminists are a bunch of misguided people. You too are one. The above post is not celebrating or hinting at the objectification of a woman’s body part. It’s just making an observation. For a truth is a truth, is a truth! Also, please decide. Should we start talking about breasts and vagina and sex or continue to pay undue respect and let you preserve their dignity, so when the next time you are physically violated, you would have lost all grace. Let’s talk about them, as we do for hair, teeth, eyes, legs, brain, nose and shit. Then there shall be no rape. Amen.)

Chutiya – A Strange, Absurd Swear-Word

All our swear-words and abuses revolve around perverted forms of sex. Some related to incest, others to homosexuality and sterility.

Why is it so? Is it because calling out words related to sexuality may either evoke great pain or anger and aggression? Hmm…

 

Behenchod – Sister-fucker

Madarchod – Mother-fucker

Gandu – Asshole

Chhakka – Eunuch / Hermaphrodite

 

Everyone swears. Girls say words. Guys invented them. But saying the same in Hindi evokes much censure as against saying in English, which may in fact be far acceptable and even urbane, in the minds of girls (majorly).

So if I say, “choot”, it will raise the ears of many, and people would make faces showing disgust.

But what about vagina? And that too like “vah-jy-na” rather than “va-gee-na” or “va-jee-na”!

ha ha ha

 

But this post is not about that – the deep rooted hypocrisy and discrimination against language(s).

 

It is about the word – Chutiya!

Enlisted in any standard Hindi dictionary, the word means, “A person born, through the vagina”. So you see, there are two kinds of people in this world – Chutiye and Caesareans.

 

And here is my question – why is it a swear-word?

Is being a Caesarean – gifting your mother with a complication and a surgery as a born-day treat – a virtue? Or is it that the female organ, which may well be the second most powerful weapon (after breasts/boobs), an object to be ridiculed in public and salivating-ly worshipped in secret?

Why calling someone “pussy” or Chutiya, bad? And what is the word’s etymology – origins?

Well.. I am a chutiya.. Are you?

On how Twitter turned me into a Gorilla!

We started out with Orkut. The site with those stupid icons showing how cool, sexy (read stupid) are you! Then the elites moved to the new land, called Facebook. When we all came there, it became too crowded for some, and off they went to a tree and became birds!

Twitter happened.

Just the thing the elites wanted – a tool that satisfies the primal urge of having a large base of followers, which if extrapolated, is the cause for hierarchy, “caste” and an “arms race” to acquire the highest number of followers.

Just the word, “follower” is ludicrous. You don’t follow the “tweets” of a bird, do you?

And who would like to “follow” Rakhi Sawant for that matter!

And that 160 character thing – it’s as if your mind has to squirt and squirt in the right measure!

Our (My) thinking process doesn’t happen that way. It has to have a natural flow and trying to twist your language in “evry posbl wy” is pathetic, which in the long run may even change the way we read and write in future!

I am told, Gorillas hump for about 30 seconds in a frantic manner, and then they are done with.

My mind turned like that. A gorilla, who had to then fit in the thoughts in a small, 160-characters long box.

And hence the reason for this blog!

I acknowledge Madam Sunny Leone for apart from her other services, made me think/write which was too long for Twitter.

Wonder what will happen when the masses turn to Twitter. Maybe a bark-site.

Chhi Che!

Chhi – (Hindi) – an expression of disgust, something that reflexively comes out when a person imagines shit.

Che Guevara – Argentine, guerilla, major figure in Cuban revolution, killed by the CIA in the jungles of Bolivia in 1967.

 

Frankly, Che doesn’t need any introduction. He’s omnipresent, like that old guy… Umm.. That one.. Painted by Michaelangelo.. Arey.. He whose name is screamed by those evangelicals in America and on God TV.. Ahh yes.. God! Che is similar to God!

 

Che became the icon of the counter-culture. The face of the movement that under-lied the waves of anti-establishment and radical thoughts. Following the rise of communism, and the emergence of the new faith, new religion – no faith or atheism, people started finding, worshipping new gods.

Che is one of them.
Like Jesus or any Hindu god (Vaishno Devi et al) or the new brokers of religion (Asaram!), he can be found and in fact trumps everyone in being the most visible of them all.

Che Chappals. Che T-shirts. Che Mugs. Che posters. Che Wallpapers and Screensavers. Che Notebooks. Che lockets. Che Tattoos. Che. Che. And Che!

Disgusting!! (By the way, one online store even sells a t-shirt, “Che is Dead. Get over it!”

 

How many of them know about his life? So you watched the movie Motorcycle Diaries and stood up to become a krantikari (revolutionary)!?

Well, the movie was nice; without Gustavo Santaolalla’s soundtrack, it would have lost its sheen. And Che was not a leader. He was an utter failure in Congo, sharing few of the qualities with America (Vietnam) in his approach of solving a problem in a new land, among new people.

 

Abraham Lincoln. Benjamin Franklin. George Washington. Thomas Jefferson. FDR. Martin Luther King Jr. These were leaders, who changed the course of the entire human history. (Oh well! All American!)

Okay.. So.. Gandhi. Mandela.

 

Embracing a new “god” will be of no avail. “Oh! So you love Che? You’re a communist? Revolutionary? Pro-poor? Or just showing-off, making a niché for yourself so that people may identify you as someone, for you have nothing else to come up with, on your own?”

 

And the reason I had this impulse (shag) of writing this post was that I just saw a girl, with a photo of Che stuck on her laptop, alongside the logo of HP. I mean, all through his life, he fought America and its imperialism, and yet you murder him again by committing such crime! And what will be her reaction if someone instead has a photo of Lord Ram or Hanuman or Mecca? “Fundamentalists!

God rest his soul. Amen.

A Society of Sexists

I love strawberries. In fact, having a milkshake made out of real, juicy strawberries may well be one of the strongest selling points for me to stay in Bombay! (Apart from the sea, the rains and the romanticism associated, in part due to Bollywood.) In Delhi, they serve you the same, the only BIG difference being that instead of real ones, they put artificial flavour!

But, is eating this fruit feminine?! Once, on confessing my craving for a strawberry milkshake, a girl laughed, dubbing it as a liking which only girls have. That having an interest in eating strawberries is a monopoly of the other sex.

Is it because that strawberry is an aphrodisiac, and that it resembles something like the upper end of the “tool”, used by pornstars to evoke carnal impulses and that a man might be a queer to eat the same!?

What then shall be the fate of banana and cucumber?

Sexism is a notion that transcends one sex – both men and women look through the same lens. (Feminists might blame it, again, on the patriarchal society’s conditioning of the ever mouldable, helpless female mind.)

We have a divisive view of the world around us, while the Reality exists in multiple dimensions, complexities and even contains multiple universes.

Why then can a man not wear a pink shirt? While it may be laudable by some to have a woman in trousers, why is it hate worthy if I turn up in a saree? Why shouldn’t women then be labelled as transvestites!?

Why can’t pink – a colour associated with girls and Barbies – be a colour worn by men? What would be the reaction of a woman if I turn up in a pink shirt or having a pink-coloured cellphone?

In the first place, our divisive understanding undermines the grand reality. And now, hierarchy of divisions based on gender!
Another girl once told me to not sit with  my legs crossed and instead sit in a posture that would give a full “view” had I not been wearing anything! (Of course she didn’t say that!)

Ye toh larki ki tarah ro raha hai!” (He’s crying like a girl.) You can hear this from six year olds playing in a park.
We men, cannot even cry! (Thank you Aamir Khan!)

 

__________________________________________

Black – Gothic

Blue – Capitalist

Red – Communist

Pink – Feminine / Paris Hilton

Green – Islam / Pakistan

Orange – Hinduism / Hindutva / Bajrang Bali and Dal

Sunny Leone goes to a Temple

Okay so, Sunny Leone went to Siddhivinayak temple to perform puja. Well.. Nothing.. Just thinking…! (Not that she cannot go!)

Is porn bad? The fact that most of us are consumers/guzzlers and yet have second thoughts in confessing about the same and even give a moral decree against it is perplexing. Or is it like smoking – she knows it’s bad, and yet..

I guess porn is just a symptom, the problem lies elsewhere. The fact that we aren’t having as much sex as we want and in turn finding a way to soothe ourselves up; our sexual repression is the problem.

Let’s start talking and having!😉